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Everything Broad Ripple HomearrowRandom Ripplings Homearrow2012 04 27arrowColumn

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Converted from paper version of the Broad Ripple Gazette (v09n09)
Right in my Own Backyard - Lessons My Mother Taught - by Brandt Carter
posted: Apr. 27, 2012

Right in my Own Backyard header

Lessons My Mother Taught

Once again, she who holds the pen gets to write her thoughts. Yes, I have an agenda! I know I may seem like a throwback to bygone days, but I think we need to safeguard niceties that seem to be falling by the wayside. Take for instance the rule that men should not wear hats indoors and especially not at the dinner table. Men, take off those baseball caps where they're inappropriate!
Then there's the time-honored tradition that parents should set an example for children. Wow, some of the off-color (meaning derogatory or obscene and not faded) T-shirts I have seen parents wear when they're with their children are appalling. The brazen messages make me wonder what they are teaching their children. And, what about those uncontrolled youngsters in the restaurants, groceries, or other public places and the oblivious, permissive parents who fail to keep these little ones in check? Don't those grownups realize others are bothered, and their children are a true reflection of parenting skills or lack of them?
The irritation that inspired me to write this column is the simple courtesy of R.S.V.P. I know in this age of texting, it's common to see casual communication like "SNG1!1!11 WTF A SONG OF SIXPENC3 A POK3T FUL OF RY3!1!! OMG LOL 4 AND 20 BLAKBIRDS BAEKD IN A PEI1!!!11 OMG WTF LOL WHAN TEH PEI WAS OP3NED DA BIRDS BGAON 2 SNG1!1!11 LOL WASNT TAHT A DANETY DISH 2 SET BFORA DA KNG." While you may be able to detect a nursery rhyme in this garble, it's a sorry sort of message to me. I submit it as an example of why we need to protect civilized conventions - the R.S.V.P. chief among them.
On a chance the meaning of R.S.V.P. has grown hazy, let me offer a reminder. Historically, anyone receiving an invitation that included R.S.V. P. was obliged to reply. Even now Emily Post's etiquette guidelines say if you do not respond, you are "inexcusably rude." I know there are people today who do not feel the obligation to repondez s'il vous plait (the French origin of the custom), but this writer agrees with Ms. Post!
Why is the R.S.V.P. so important? If you have ever planned a gathering, you know cost and accurate food and beverage quantities take planning. Not responding as soon as possible leaves the hostess/host dangling. If you accept, then don't show or don't call to decline, your thoughtlessness costs the hostess/host. Being a good guest gets noticed, and this means not stringing out your reply so the party giver can prepare for your presence whether that be with a place setting or planning food, favors, and entertainment, etc.
The R.S.V.P. does reveal your character. It tells if you are enthusiastic or reluctant, considerate or rude, responsible or neglectful. Even if a date by which to reply is not on the invitation, what does giving your R.S.V.P. a day before an event say about you? Furthermore, R.S.V.P. means you are to reply "yes" or "no" to the invitation unless it specifies Regrets Only. Even today's online invitations deserve the courtesy of a timely reply.
The next time you receive an invitation that includes an R.S.V.P., I hope you will take heed. Your hostess/host will be appreciative, and I will not have written in vain.



Brandt Carter, artist, herbalist, and naturalist, owns Backyard Birds at 2374 E. 54th Street. Visit her web site www.feedbackyardbirds.com. Email your bird questions to Brandt@BroadRippleGazette.com




brandt@broadripplegazette.com
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